A Collection of Angsty Poetry: Love and the Lack of (Completed)

Just a collection of poetry I’ve written from years back that I’m now curating together. This collection is specifically related to heartbreak and romance and will slowly develop. I’ll be adding a new poem to the top of this post every so often so continue to check in.

 

Sleep

Of every seven nights, I refuse to sleep for three
Because I would rather think in the dark than lose it to dreams
I would rather use my nights for cognizance than reverie
So for three nights I keep myself awake
Because the cool and the dark and the quiet is the only state I can think
Mondays and Wednesdays
And another for thinking of you

a.t.


Stuck

I’ve been stuck
Rendered motionless between desire and fear
Too scared to make a move
But too passionate to not

a.t.


Petals on Pencils

I was walking with that friend of ours the other day
When she turns to me & says “What if you guys end up getting married?”
What a thing to say to someone in love
What a thing to say to someone in love with her bestfriend
What a thing to say to someone who’s in love with her bestfriend and he is not
W h y
Why would you entertain this possibility
No, this fantasy
This begging hunger
This breaking heart
Do not tempt the girl with cherries she cannot reach
Remember, I am still just the bestfriend
And h e
He’s a one-way mirror
And I can see right through him
I see petals on pencils and butterflies on his fingertips
His texts are pleas for my presence
And his notes are leaks of his longing
I fool myself into thinking that this is not just my reflection
That these petals and butterflies exist outside of my head
Like the dirt and worms they truly are
My mind is a hardworking machine that creates something out of nothing
And I love somethings
I love everything that reminds me of him
Though I hate the memories that exists like ghost
The weeks when his eyes would avoid mine
So cautiously, as if my gaze would turn him into stone
The way he bit his tongue when he passed
Holding back the words we got so comfortable saying
Like breaking a bad habit
Like I was something to be ashamed of
I’m sorry, I’m sorry
I don’t mean to trivialize us
But, darling, do not trivialize me
I always thought I was something more
And you were always something more
And I always wanted something more
Everyone else is a paper doll
And I’m tired of playing with paper
Love that becomes cold from moisture
And wrinkles from grasping too tightly
Quickly ripped from my hands and shredded far too easily
But y o u
You have warmth coming from your hands
And theres warmth in your words
And I can only imagine that theres warmth to your lips
You are real
You’re not fantasy
Or a dream
Meant to quench my hopelessly romantic heart
You’re not infatuation
You’re not a stupid love poem
You don’t exist in my mind
You exist amongst everyone else who loves you and
I am not special
I’m just a girl who thinks too much
Who dreams too much
Who writes too much
Who cares too much
Who loves too much
I always love too much
You would think my heart would be used to the feeling of breaking
That I would be used to the sting and the burn
That I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between beating heart and a throbbing one
But nothing has ached like this

a.t.


We’ll Kiss in December

So this is it, I guess
We’ll be nothing in just a few months
You’ll be nothing
And I’ll be forgotten
And everything we made will go to waste
It’s sad, isn’t it?
If only we had put our fears aside
Locked them up in a box
Or stored them under the bed
Or in the attic
We could have left them
We could have picked them up later when we needed them
If we needed them
And the world would have disappeared around us
Everything would have faded
One by one
Like ants in the dirt
But instead we go
Melting into mattresses that begin to feel bare
And chipping off the walls like old paint
I regret it
My hands are losing hold
And my faith is leaving with it
And I can only imagine the same is happening to you
But if you find yourself regretting this
Wishing everything back
If I haunt your dreams as often as you haunt mine
If my voice echos in halls and later in your skull
And your room is cluttered with things that remind you of
me
Would you tell me
Just under your breath
With your forehead on mine
And our eyelashes almost touching
Caress my face and my hands will wrap to the nape of
your neck
And we will kiss in December

a.t.


Freedom

Its been 4 months
And I hate to admit it
But you are still locked in my mind
Tucked away into corners that I never bother to
check
Because why would I?
I already know you’re there
And how could you let this happen?
How could you lead me to believe?
My love is wasting on you
Dying and decaying
You are stuck in my system like heroin
I can’t seem to write you out
No matter what I do
No matter how many poems
You remain in my veins
Pumping through my heart
Every single time I feel alone
And even though you are the one who is stuck
I am the one who is trapped
You still haunt my notebooks
You still exist in every letter
Every syllable
You would think the words I could use to describe you would
have run out
But they still come to me
Fluttering through my dreams
That you’ve somehow managed to take over too
You are a hostage in my mind
But I am the one in peril
I am the one who is losing herself
As you slowly eat away at my space
The smaller I become
The denser I am with you
And you’ve become way too heavy
Trapped under my thick skin
My scabs and my scars
I have trouble letting go
And even though you are the one who is caged
I am the one who wishes for freedom

a.t


To The Moon and Back

You told me you would love me to the moon and back
But, God, I guess that wasn’t far enough
239,000 miles just wasn’t enough
Because if it were, you’d still be here
You’d still be at my finger tips
Kissing my lips with your hands on my hips
And I guess that’s what we get for living on stupid cliches
And I guess that’s what happens when you live on
meaningless bullshit
So maybe instead you should have loved me further
To a different planet or a different universe
You should have loved me to the sun
Where you would shrivel and burn
And I wouldn’t have had to feel the burning of my eyes
You should have loved me to Pluto
Where your blood would freeze
And my heart wouldn’t be left so icy cold
You should have loved me to Hogwarts
Where a Dementor would steal your soul and not your
heart
And you should have loved me to Oz
Where you, in turn, would be swept off your feet
By flying monkeys, not only heartless as tin but cowardly
as a lion
Yes, loving me to the moon and back just wasn’t enough
Maybe you can love me
All the way to hell

a.t.


Stupid Love

Is it sad
To fantasize about romance
Oh, how I wish for the sweet taste of love
And all of its sickening cliches
I want to meet you at a party
Both of us tired of the crowd, aching to leave
I want to get in your car and drive all night with you
Talking about our dreams and desires
I want you to pull me in and caress my face
Kiss my lips, back pressed to the wall
Kiss my neck and lift my legs around you
I wanna hear your voice
Half a whisper, just filling the silence

a.t.


For You

The boy who got too close at the party
Got too drunk, got too tired, got too sick
The boy who I hurt
He nows lays in the bed with me
Wraps his arms around my waist
And kisses my shoulders
I can’t help but smile
Can’t help but thank the universe for bringing him to me
Slowly I recover every single piece of him
Every whisper, every breath, every skip on a step
And every doubt slowly evaporates
He likes superheros
And smiles at me whenever I get excited
He holds my hand carefully, as if he didn’t know I loved it
Kisses me
When we lay in his bed
And all I ever want is to pull myself closer into his chest
Draw my face closer to his
I guess it means something
When you meet someone that makes forget your
commitment issues
Makes you forget the boy you wanted
And the boy who hurt you
And the boy who wants you
Somehow he makes me forget the time
And the world outside

a.t.

 

 

 

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